Saturday, March 6, 2010

#1 Cause of Divorce

If you are married, your primary relationship in life is with your spouse. And, of course, the strength of that relationship will go a long way toward determining your satisfaction and happiness in life.

We've all had problems with our marriage, maybe even to the point where we were considering other alternatives. But, if you want it to work, how about making a decision to try the 100%-Commitment Experiment? Not 99%, but 100%. In doing so, something magical can happen. However, if you're not sure that you want to be content and satisfied in your marriage, then don't do this because it can begin as an experiment and end up as a lifestyle. And, if you accidentally found yourself happy, what might that do to your life plan? (Yes, it is true: some of us cannot bear to be happy and any happiness messes with our expectation of how Life is supposed to be, so we can have none of that.)

Here's how it works: one of you has to decide to commit 100% to the relationship. Let's say it is the man. When the man (husband, boyfriend, fiance) looks for the positives in his relationship and his partner, he will most likely begin to enjoy his partner more each day. She will naturally respond by being much nicer to him. This can begin an amazing transformation--I've seen it happen. And, you, too, can watch the years unfold and be one of those those couples, who, after 30+ years of marriage say that they've never been happier.

There is a remarkable difference between a commitment of 99% and 100%. At 100%, you are determined to see your problems all the way through to their solution. At 99%, we can still find a way to take the path of least resistance, or to slack-off, or get lazy. Truth be told, we all take our partners for granted, at least some of the time. Most of us would prefer to look the other way, to take the path of least resistance. Therein lies the problem.

You want to know the #1 cause of divorce in America?

#1 cause of divorce: We grew apart
#1 cause of growing apart: I don't feel connected
#1 cause of feeling disconnected: Resentment
#1 cause of feeling resentment: Withdrawal of interest and energy

So, go ahead, look the other way, commit at 99%, and you, too, can be a statistic.

And, just fyi, the 100%-Commitment Experiment not only works for also works for life.

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